The first official concert that I attended to was my very own concert. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was performing in front of whole lot of audiences and I was wearing a Portuguese costume dancing to a traditional Portuguese song. I remember I was 5 years old when I did this. I felt awkward when adults watching little kids dancing in pairs. To me I felt like the whole performance was like a child pornography, might as well they just ask kids to get naked and have sex at the age of 5; but that’s not my point. Back to the concert story, the first official concert that I went to had a picture of my sister and I in a magazine. Both of us posing with our ‘Rock’ hand gesture in an article that said, “Linkin Park in Kuala Lumpur”. It was such a big thing for us here in Malaysia because it’s not like every year we get an international artist performing down here in K.L. Linkin Park was the first artist to ever performed in Malaysia. Then it was followed by Black Eyed Peas, Incubus, Mariah Carey, Avril Lavigne, etc. Who I’m dying to witness on stage is Dallas Green, an awesome singer/song-writer who was originally the guitarist for a punk-rock band, Alexisonfire. He then got out from the group and made a solo album under his so-called band, City and Colour. Him being an underground artist, it’s pretty hard for him to be coming down to K.L. Lucky for me, he’ll be performing in Buffalo on the 10th of January. Honestly, my one and only purpose of going to Buffalo now is to witness him on stage. Nothing is going to stop me from seeing him now… unless the tickets are sold out!
the rock haven.
of life and death.
People usually say that they would rather be dead than to stay another minute in this World. I’d say they have not seen the World as a whole yet. They are so many things to be discovered in this World and everyone is curious to know what ever happened to the incident of the dog in the night-time. Although shit happens in life but we still move on. Forgetting about that old piece of crap that we once called ‘mistake’. Whatever mistakes that happened, is a well-learned lesson for each and everyone of us. It’s the mistake that makes a man powerful; it’s the mistake that makes someone live and learn from; it’s the mistake that makes a person to strive even better for the next following issues that they are facing. One should be adventurous in whatever position they are in. They are so many things that have yet to be revealed, so many other things that we haven’t accomplished just yet. One way or another, we are bound to find ourselves in trouble and that is what makes life worth living. All these troubles that we go through are basically the one and only reason to why we are on Earth right now. Fight peace with the World, feed the poor, help the one in need, cure the World, cure the whole society, change the World, heal yourself. Once your life has been taken away, you feel relieved that at least, you’ve done something that you feel proud about. Of life and death, viewed by me.
better off alone.
What is it about being lonely? Why is there some people out there who are afraid to be lonely? Can’t they just live without a ’soul-mate’ beside them? Why do they need to have someone beside them all the time? I got to admit that some times i do need a friend or two beside me. But that’s not the same case as needing to have someone beside you. The worst case that I’ve came across to is the whole ‘in an open relationship’ status. I honestly believe that it is just another statement to say that you’re a fucking slut and you need someone to fuck or you need to be fucked. Maybe sooner or later I’ll be calling myself a hypocrite as I’ll be lonely and needing someone to comfort me always. But as for right now, I simply can’t understand why a particular someone needs to be loved when they can just simply love themselves for who they are and what they have accomplished. Having someone beside you is like getting a fucking prize of annoyance bugging you always. Never having the chance to be alone, never having the chance to have some privacy and most of all, never having the chance to control your own life!
the freudian slip.
The slip of the tongue or better known as the Freudian slip, was what I’ve experience today in front of a friend. This Freudian guy right here is a fucking genius but all i could say to him is, “Screw you!”. Because of you, I’ve mentioned someone’s name wrong and it seems like I’ve compared that person to my ex. It sickens me to know that I thought of my ex while mentioning someone else’s name. Freudian explained that a mistake of the tongue is actually the intentional statement that was going on in your mind at the moment. And for me to say my ex’s name instead of that particular person’s name has made me worried and confused to question why I even mentioned him. Why was I even thinking of my ex when I was mentioning his name? Was I having feelings towards him? Well, it kinda seems obvious but then again, why did his name came out? It has made me confused to the point where tonight won’t be a great night for me to rest. And yet again, I’ll be tossing and turning in my bed thinking to the never ending question of Why. It’s like a punch in the stomach; it’s like a slap on the face; it’s like all of the bad things that you could ever imagined of running through your mind, seconds before you could have a good night sleep! Freudian, you are one piece of shit!
scared of the unknown.
Realizing that I have 40 days left to spend in Malaysia has got me into a flashback state of mind. All these nostalgic moments just came flashing by and kept running through my mind. How am I suppose to adapt to the place in Buffalo? Will I ever have friends to laugh with every time I’m in Starbucks or in McDonald’s? I am shit scared of the great unknown of what is in store for me in Buffalo. The harsh weather, the harsh people, the harsh environment, and the harsh way of me trying to adapt to the whole new situation. I’m like a new born plant fitting in a new home. First off, I’m sure to be weak and falling out of place, with no great backbone to support me. Well, I’m hoping that fertilizers come building up in my not-so-wholesome pot and just brighten up my life. It scares me to know that after 18 years of being spoonfed and living under my parent’s roof, I am finally going to have to live all by myself and not knowing how does this cruel World going to treat me. Will I ever think of him again? Because honestly I just want the memories of him to be vanished in my mind. Just like Kate Winslet’s memories in Jim Carrey’s mind in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’. If only the method of erasing your memory existed!
dreaming of a dream.
Despite from watching the horror flick, Quarantined yesterday, I was surprised to find out that I slept well and did not dream about any horrifying image from the movie last night. However, something pretty funny and stupid happened in my dream. I was attending a Rave party with a bunch of friends and to my surprise my ex was there and I wasn’t so clear on what happened, or what was it that he had done to me that made me so upset. Keep in mind that this ex of mind was someone who has literally made me upset in real life and there was no one to keep me safe and warm after whatever it is that happened. In this weird dream of mine, all I did was storm off after approaching him. Somehow rather, I put on a very sulky face and my mood completely turned 360 degrees. The only person that comfort me was him, a person in college that I sort of have a thing for. He talks softly to me in my dream, which is rather amusing I think because in real life, he isn’t. He then caressed my skin with his fingers and kissed me. It is fucking annoying you see? Whatever my mind thinks of wouldn’t happen in real life. It sucks to know that all in all, I’ll wake up from this dream of mine and face another shitty life the next day. What does this mean? Should I just confront my vague feelings to him? Or is it better to just keep everything to myself and never know what he feels? Ain’t life confusing?
